All creatures great and small (poop)

Today was the big in-home visit for our international adoption home study. Yay. It was kind of an anxiety-producing event. It's not everyday that you have someone coming into your home to approve or deny your home's suitability for a child. It's strange to think about child-proofing a house for a child that we know very, very little about. It seems like something most parents probably do at the end of the process. I know I would have. We'd have the crib, the colors, the blankies, the toys, the clothes, the bottles, be walking out the door to the hospital and then think, um, hope the little kid doesn't want to stick its fingers in a socket, because we don't have socket covers. Not so now! Right now, I hope the kid doesn't want any of that other stuff, but if the child wants to stick its finger in a socket, we've got those covered!

So, obviously, we're busy last night double-checking every little detail. Fire extinguishers, check. Carbon Monoxide detector, check. Knives and fireworks, um...

Just kidding. I don't have any of those.

Anyway, one of the things we do have now is a new rug. Check out Mrs. Bailey's blog for pictures. It looks great; I like it. I like it more than the semicolon use in the previous sentence. It gives a nice fresh feel to our main living area, and out of all the things that needed thorough cleaning last night, it wasn't one of them. Which is good because we're double-checking and double-cleaning everything else.

And then, we wake up. Early for Mrs. Bailey, usual time for me. I take the dog running so he'll be super-tired and less jumpy when the case worker arrives. I clean up and begin the wonderful process that all morning people go through: waiting for the rest of the world to catch up. About that time, Owens gets a little anxious.

And by anxious, I mean throw up. On the brand new rug. That we hadn't had to worry about cleaning. Because it was brand new. And did I mention it was brand new. At the time, I didn't have the clarity of mind to see it for the sweet gesture it really was. At the time, I politely said, "Really? Are you kidding me?" and let him go outside. But now? Now I think it was such a sweet thing for him to do. Clearly, Owens understood the significance of this morning's visit and clearly he could sense our anxiety. That was clear. Like, 6 paper towels and 15 squirts of Febreeze clear.

Clearly, he just wanted to remind us that we have nothing to worry about. Adding a child to our family will just mean one more member of our house that needs help and makes noise when it wants to poop at 3 in the morning (that'll make 5 of us). It'll mean just one more member of our house that whines when it wants to be fed (that'll make 4 of us). And just one more member of our house that throws up at the worst possible times (just 3 this time). Thanks for the reminder, O. Next time, a card will do.

Day #3

It seems natural that idealism be rejected with what we call "a healthy dose of reality." As if it isn't healthy to be an idealist.

On the other hand, is it really healthy to stop dreaming? Or what is the significance of a life pursued without a vision?

Yes, dreamers have been burned by moving to close to the sun. But they've also flown!

Perhaps then there is a way to dream responsibly. Or, to borrow from a competitor's ad slogan, maybe there is a life with just the right amount of dreamability. I believe there is.

So maybe the friction between the ideas that 1) anger never helps and 2) I can't just not be angry will produce a spark to light the way forward.

Regarding the first point, I've tried to make my point. Even Rob Bell thinks anger is only good if you let it produce something more redemptive (at which point the anger goes away). Ah, yes. But what if we can skip the stage where we get angry and then motivated to do something redemptive? What if we replace anger with something better, like love? Still too idealistic? Fair enough. I'm going to give it my best shot and see if I can't produce a coherent theology for anger never helping.

Tomorrow.

On a much more personal note, Jesse and I have officially begun a journey we started years ago. I order both of you who read this blog to check out the last two posts so that you can see what is going on with me.

Day #2

What I find so fascinating about anger is that although people agree with the idea that anger never helps they still frequently get angry. Aside from some urban youths I was in a Bible study with once who said getting/staying angry at a girl will make her sleep with you, I've never heard anyone sing the praises of anger. Sad/true story, by the way. I'm going to allow for the exception (that's not really anger anyways, it's just pretending to be angry) and move on with the rule.

So most people would agree that anger never helps. But most of us still get angry. I'll be the first to say that I am (angry) Spartacus on this one. And what bothers me is that I rarely feel bad about getting angry. It's much more likely that I will feel justified when I get angry. How often do I get angry at what someone else did to me and then feel this overwhelming need to tell someone else about it? I can't let go until at least two or three other people have commiserated with me over whatever grave injustice was done to me.

I've been wronged. I've been offended. I don't deserve this. How dare they do this to me!

I often wonder what the source is of this (self) righteous indignation. I'd say it has a lot to do with the parenthetical word in that last sentence. Me.

Consider the Christian's classic defense of anger: Jesus in the temple. He too was indignant! He was RIGHTEOUSLY indignant! We emphasize righteous as if there is some secret to getting angry in a Christian way. And we believe the secret is that as long as we don't allow our anger to get out of control, we're justified in our anger. If you feel like it is under control, then you can do whatever you want - even make a whip out of cords and chase people around with it at church! You can go all hulk smash on the fellowship hall tables as long as you keep it under control.

Controlled rage is not the secret. The secret is us.

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."
- Philippians 3:7-11

Who knew this inspiring passage could be practically applied to life in relevant ways?

There are far too many things that I consider gain at the expense of Christ. Those are the things that make me angry. MY time. MY money. MY rights. MY driving space on the road.

I'm too concerned with how these things might BE my profit that I am unwilling to consider them rubbish that I might gain Christ. Otherwise, I would be practicing HIS redeemed time, stewarding HIS money, denying MY rights for the sake of HIS kingdom, and who cares about all other insignificant things?!?!?!?

I believe the secret is that rather than dealing with anger and trying to justify its place in the kingdom, we should be trying to give away whatever might be the source of that anger. Or, in another sense, we should be denying any appearance of self-righteousness (and subsequent indignation and anger) and seeking the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.

Day #1

I'm not going to apologize for not blogging much in the last couple of days/weeks/months/seasons.... I've been busy, sure. But who isn't? More so, I haven't been interested in writing. To say the last year has been an adjustment from "full-time" school to full-time adult would be well-stated. I haven't always enjoyed it. One of the less enjoyable things has been the automatic reallocation of time and effort. As such, certain practices (i.e., blogging) have received less attention that I would have liked, while others (i.e., dealing with angry people) have demanded much more attention that anyone would prefer.

I suppose that "dealing with angry people" line deserves explanation. For reasons best given at another time (or never), I work at a property management company as... a property manager. I really like my office mates and I am very grateful to have a job (period) that allowed us to stay in Memphis as long as we wanted, me to finish school, etc.

My job requires dealing with a lot of disgruntled people. Frequently, they're angry about something, usually money. My job is to deal with those people in constructive ways, which often means letting them share their anger with me without letting it affect me or sharing it right back with them. I've developed some selectively thick skin (avoid cynicism!) and unfortunately gotten pretty good at dealing with said angry people. Over the last year, I've learned from my overexposure to anger. For one, anger never helps but always hurts. Also, I've become convinced that the most overlooked fruits of the Spirit are probably kindness and gentleness.

All that to say, since I'm having such a hard time finding inspiration to write, I've decided to find inspiration in what's there, and right now, what's usually there is someone else's anger, so I'm going to write about that. Should be fun.