What do you call the package of napkins? Besides the package of napkins, because who wants to say that? Put me on the record as voting for the napkin loaf. It's important to keep it singular. No one says, "loaf of breads" and I don't think I need anything else besides that to support my argument. In fact, I think this is something even Obama and Rush can agree on.
When you think about it, the napkin loaf and the bread loaf have a lot in common. Both are packaged in such a way so that once you open the package, irreparable damage has been done. You can't reseal the bread the way it was when you bought it, and you basically have to tear the napkin package to get them out.
Both are at the bedrock of a good meal. What is a meal without bread or napkin? How else can you eat the thin layer of chili left in the bowl except with bread? How else can you wipe up the thick layer of chili on your pants except with your napkin? I can't tell you how many times I've sat down to a meal and thought, "Man, we need some rolls" and then stuck some in the oven to complete a plated filet mignon sprinkled with Gorgonzola cheese and a red wine demi glaze with whipped garlic potatoes. I can't tell you because I don't keep track of these things, but it's happened a lot. I also can't tell you how many times I've sat down after putting some nice Sister Schubes on the plate with said filet and thought, "Man, where's my napkin slice?"
Likewise, both are unappreciated on the ends. Is there a more hated part of a piece of good food than the heels on a loaf of bread? I'd rather eat the bottom half of a muffin than the butt of the bread loaf. I'd rather eat a half sandwich or a piece of toast for lunch than make a whole sandwich with one of the slices be the heel. If bread heels were money and I worked in or at a trash dump, I'd be rich because I'm pretty sure the proper etiquette for throwing away the packaging after finishing a loaf of bread is to make sure the heels are still in the bag and then putting the bag in the trash can.
At the same time, what's going on with the heel of the napkin loaf? Who decided that in order to wrap the napkin loaf properly it is necessary to glue the napkins on either end of the loaf to the packaging? And who are we to decide that those napkins are a lost cause? "No," we decide" this napkin, whose very purpose is to clean up my mess, is not even worth wiping the dirty chili stain from my mouth." That doesn't make sense to me. Somehow, this napkin is too wrinkled for me to get it dirty... wiping up this dog vomit from the floor (note to self: do not start by taking the dog on a one-mile run in 80-degree weather - we build up to that).
I wish I could say the connection is that I wrote this blog post on the back of the heel of a napkin loaf, but I can't - mostly because how do you determine which is the front and which is the back when both sides look the same? No, instead, I think the connection is that lately, I've used this blog kind of like how most of us use the heel of a loaf of napkin/bread. That is, not at all. Sorry about that. On the bright side, you get this post rather than me writing about how I took Moses for a run lately and he threw up on the floor twice after that and then posting pictures of it. (read: I'm back. You're welcome.)
2 comments:
Also note to yourself: Taking the dog on a one-mile run when it's 80 degrees is pretty much the worst idea ever if said dog has already consumed half a bottle of vanilla scented dog shampoo during his bath earlier that afternoon.
We have cloth napkins, that Erin made. Naturally and to work with your analogy, homemade napkins.
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